Another boring training week

Another boring week in the log. The Dane is still gone and I feel somewhat empty without him. So there you have it, wearing my heart on my sleeve in public. Not normalcy for me.
I have been pondering my race future for '09, early, I know. I'm really excited to go to Kona this year but not at the top of my confidence for some reason. Wondering if I even want to do an IM next year. I think the race in RI really put some reality into me. I got beat fair and square by some really quality world class AG women but am still beside myself a bit. I work my ass off day in and day out training and also work a pretty stressful job (physician) and wonder what more can I do. I try not to use work as an excuse but I've never been 41 years old before either and I can see that I can DO the workouts, I just don't RECOVER from them as well. I guess it doesn't help that I've had rheumatoid arthritis for over ten years and take medications for that but I don't ever like to use that as fuel for any excuses, as anyone who really knows me understands. I've been told that I'm too hard on myself and I don't disagree. I just want to be able to compete with the cream of the crop and hold my head high. I will do just that in 11 weeks and give my all regardless of finish times, splits, scrutiny and all the other stressors that come along with competing on the largest stage on earth for triathlon. I gain a lot of my personal confidence from my partner in life, the Dane. When he's not here, I begin to show cracks in my armor, as it were. The phone calls several times a day are not enough to keep me.... well........ me. Yes, I have a tear on my cheek typing this. We all have our weaknesses.
I have another weakness, my bike. I did another bike test today and didn't gain as much improvement that maybe I expected. Granted, I haven't been doing any strong bike work since before taper for IM RI 70.3 but I felt I should have been progressing (from the training leading up to RI). Such is life and the bike is the bane of my existence as usual. I used the think that about the swim! I have made the swim my strength now, who'd of thought! There is hope in my heart and 10 weeks and 6 days in my schedule to improve - which is what I try to do every day. Be strong...
kia kaha